Family Crisis And Domestic Violence

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The evil menace of domestic violence has caused so much havoc in our society today. It has destroyed many homes and distracted a lot of talents in many spouses or intending spouses. It is terribly bad. Many people have lost their self esteem and bearing in life just because they were not able to build and develop the innermost tendency needed to absorb life-shock from circumstances inherent in human relations.

This emphasis has become very necessary in view of escalating incidents of domestic violence in our society today. Lovely families have been and are being shattered by avoidable situations of intra marital hostilities and antagonisms as if it wasn’t love that brought couples together in the first place.

Life is not a bed of roses likewise, marriages. If anyone had told anybody that after marriage, what to expect is straight forward excitement and merriments without the opposite and he or she believed, he or she must be the most foolish of all humans.

A lot has happened in our various communities today and each has an unpalatable story to tell. Domestic violence is not only when a man beats or maltreats his wife and children, but also when a woman beats or maltreats her husband or children or when children beats or maltreats their parents. All of the above are ugly daily occurrences in our society today. Even with governments providing legislative, executive and judicial frameworks for control, and international bodies, civil society and non governmental organisations raising awareness on the matter, many are still not coming to terms with its indelible repercussions.

Just recently a woman( names withheld) troubled her husband to the point where the man had to leave the house for days to stay with his friend. He returned home in the company of his friend two days later thinking the woman would see his friend and behave, but to the shock of neighbours, the woman clamped down on the man again as soon as his friend left. She hit the man with an iron and he slumped to death. She was quickly arrested and handed over to the police which prosecuted her to prison. While the man was buried the wife went to prison and the three children were left behind in the house and after the mourning period, they were distributed to relations in various locations across the country. The once lovely and knitted family was completely shattered by impatience and intolerance. What would have been resolved by just 5 seconds patience turned out to be an eternal albatross for a family that was built in many years. The children were taken to different locations and hardly could see each other again. While one may be lucky to be treated well by the new guardian, the others may not be lucky. What they were used to enjoying in their parents home and all the privileges became wishful thinking. Even the schools attended may not be comparable to the previous ones as the guardians have their biological children and issues to attend to also. One can only but imagine the trauma of this painful story.

The other pathetic story was the killing of a hardworking woman by her husband because she queries him each time he comes home late. On that fateful day, he removed his iron belt and beat her mercilessly and mistakenly got her badly. She later died in the hospital leaving an eight month breastfeeding old baby. The man was arrested and imprisoned while the infant and her other siblings struggled for survival under the social development secretariat and other parents.

Many of such ugly stories abound everywhere in our society today and with their high risk repercussions, many are still involved in it. The fear of sanctions would not even deter some stubborn men and women from doing so, even for the sake of their children.

To me, it is rather primitive to be obsolete in strategy or thinking as we relate with our spouses. Once you have married someone, it behooves you to be responsible enough to restrain yourself, discipline yourself and think beyond repairs so as not to cross the red lines of misconduct. No misbehaviors should take you out of borders to beat or harm your spouse or children and still expect a happy life afterwards. Wise men and women don’t engage in such shameless behaviors no matter the trials and temptations.

Both men and women are equally guilty of such. Some men can be highly intolerant not to condone the slightest oversight from their women(wives) while some women can be so stubborn to feel too big to be scolded by their men( husbands).

The bible has provided the way out knowing fully that people of different backgrounds coming together in the name of marriage or courtship must definitely have conflicts in many ways. That’s why it provided in the holy books that husbands must love their wives, and wives must submit to your husbands. Very clear and separate family roles created by God for peace and tranquility. If each spouse maintains this, there will be peace and none will trespass into the moral and spiritual territory of the other.

Many families have however lost their joy and peace because of impatience, ignorance, pride, arrogance and self deceit. While some men believe a woman can not talk to them anyhow, some women believe they can not be second class to anyone probably because of material possessions.

There must be a meeting point to resolve the escalating imbroglio and make marriages work well. Spouses must sit to talk, communicate well, discuss every issue under the earth and talk things out. Regular intra and inter family retreats and executive sessions must be put in place for continuous dialogue. There must be fear of God and respect for one another.